S1E7 - In a City Like New York, with Its Infinite Possibilities, Has Monogamy Become Too Much to Ask For?

While I may not live in New York city, the city that I live in has a few things in common with the Big Apple. Both are thriving cities, a fact that mildly cushions the bad traffic, rude people, and expensive lifestyle. And of course, both have people who are in relationships.

At dinner with my friend Farah yesterday, we got to talking about polyamory. If we had this conversation a year ago, I would've been as lost in the conversation as I am when people talk about sports. But last semester, my Histories tutor was an avid practitioner of polyamory, and was extremely vocal about his lifestyle. For those of you are not familiar with it, polyamory is not polygamy (multiple spouses) and it's not the same as being in an open relationship. Polyamory, in a nutshell, is practicing a lifestyle that includes multiple relationships with different people, all of whom are aware of the others.

Why such a topic over dinner when we usually talk about theatre and gossip? Because Farah is dating someone who is polyamorous.

This is the part that I would usually go into a rant about how I miss old-school romance, where there's one man (or woman) for every man (or woman). But if there's anything that I've learned in the past six years, it's that such a thing does not exist. Monogamy has become, to a lot of people, an option. When I'm seeing someone, somewhere between the 10th and 15th date, we have the conversation about exclusivity. As awkward as this conversation may be, it saves a lot of heartache and drama in the future. My stance on it depends on the person I'm dating - if you want to be exclusive, I'm all for it but if you'd like a little leeway, lee away.

Of course there are some who, like me, leave the decision-making to the other person. When faced with such a conundrum, I ask myself, What Would Jesus Barbra Do? Go with the flow. Unless you're completely self-involved, working off what your partner exudes is pretty simple. And when there are no rules to actually follow, it makes things a lot easier.

I'm not advocating open relationships. I'm a sucker for old-school romance. If a guy stood outside my window with a boom box playing my favorite song, my pants would drop faster than a fat kid gorging a KFC bucket. But to me that's what it boils down to. Monogamy is just a rule that people follow to 'keep the peace.' And as alternative as other lifestyles may seem, they too are bound by certain rules. Getting married if you're polyamorous does not work. Not letting your wives know of each other if you're polygamous doesn't work. And sleeping with your best friend's girlfriend when your wife's 'put a ring on it' most definitely doesn't work.

At this point, I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm a gay man. Monogamy would sooner be a sex position than an actual point of conversation.