I’ll be the first to admit that I’m no expert at relationships. I’ve had one significant relationship in my life, and the only word I can think of to do it justice is ‘Hindenburg.’
After (and sometimes during) the crash, boom, bang of those four years, I’ve let a lot of men in and out…of my life.
Asking a gay man if he’s ever had sex with a stranger is like asking a woman if she gets cravings during her period. I don’t know if it’s what we’ve learned from pop culture, or whether it’s because there really is a “gay gene,” most gay men are just unable to keep it in their pants. In their defence, I’m speaking from first and second hand experience – of course, not all gay men are whores.
Just last night, I was driving to a bar to watch a friend perform when my phone started ringing. The name that flashed on my screen had an asterisk next to it. And the few people in my phonebook who have asterisks next to their names are men. Go figure.
My co-driver, The Kubster, asked me who that was and I explained that the guy was just someone I met on and off. “On and off? Or in and out?” Leave it to The Kubster to probe with the subtlety of thousand French horns.
It hit me that this wasn’t the first time I’ve had this conversation about the Asterisks Club. And whenever the club comes up, the topic that follows is the one I dread most – the number game. I never know what to think because my number is Switzerland. I’m not Chastity Charice, but nowhere near promiscuous enough for Lifetime to make a TV movie about me. PS: If you haven’t figured out what the number game is, shame on you!
Whenever this water-cooler talk comes up, I can’t help but wonder™ (Carrie Bradshaw) as a gay man, do your numbers define you? If I’m in the single digits does that make me a prude, or does that make me a loyal, almost woman-like lover? And what if I’m in the jaw-dropping tick-box? I don’t want to think that just because I’ve been with a certain amount of people others would start considering me a walking incubus of STDs.
Fortunately, while we gay men are often “gurrllfreennzzz” to our girlfriends, we don’t share anything in this particular predicament. The label ‘gay’ is big enough to wrap around almost every kind of stereotype you find in our little community. If a woman has a lot of partners or sleeps around like a jackrabbit at a carrot party, she’s a whore. If a gay man does the same, he’s “just being a gay man.” If a woman has one or two partners in her lifetime, she’ll be either heralded as the “friend of a friend of a friend who found true love where she least expected it,” or a woman who should’ve been named Prudence. If a gay man does the same, he’s just “being a gay man” but exploring slowly.
Bottom line – it’s good to be gay. Professional boyfriend or just plain professional – the line is so thin that most people just skip from one side to the next as often as they skip from one man to another.
No comments:
Post a Comment