S1E4 Are Men in Their 20s the new designer drugs? …I Couldn’t Help But Wonder, What Do They See in Us?

All my life I've always wished that I could attribute a lot of my behaviour to my parents. Whether it’s my blatant camp personality to my mother’s habit of singing along to Streisand, or me dating older men to the possibility that I might have daddy issues.

Not the case, unfortunately. I reap what I sow and that’s only because I sow it myself.

I’ve been dating for longer than I’d like to remember. I say that because you’d think that after all the dates that I’ve been on, at least one of them would’ve stuck around. Alas, I have no such luck. I’m like the Teflon of the dating world.

Almost all the dates I’ve been on and the men that I’ve been in relationships with have been older than me - some significantly older, and some with only a handful of years on me. I’ve never been able to figure out exactly why I’m such an ageist, but I have to admit that I’ve never really given it much thought.

Something else I’ve never given much thought to, is why they date me. But that’s a question that I’ve learned to not touch, even with a ten-foot pole. Until now that is.

I date older men because they are more likely to be on the same wavelength as me. A huge generalisation, yes, but it’s the safest bet. So why is it that they date me? Is it that I’m the mature one or are they weird 30-year-olds, a decade behind themselves? It’s definitely not because I help them feel young again. I’ve been 40 since I was eight, so ‘barking up the wrong tree’ would be the least of their problems.

Just to be clear – when I say ‘older’ men I mean older men, as opposed to ‘old’ men. So when I say that maybe they enjoy having someone they can spoil with their disposable income, I’m referring more towards trophy wives, not daddy buying baby a new fire truck. But that doesn’t make any sense. I may not be shooting Benjamins out of my ass, but I can certainly pick up my own tab. Hell, on a good day I might just be able to pick his up too. That can’t be it now, can it?

I figured the only way to possibly shed some light on this question was to ask one someone I’ve dated. Karl* and I went out for about eight months, and we have about 11 years between us. Karl’s notorious for dating men younger than him. I asked Karl why he went out with me, and what kept us together despite the age difference.

“You were refreshing to go out with. It’s nice to see that there are people so young who are in touch with all things current, but can also contextualise it in a manner not so foreign to us, Gen X.”

So the reason he fancied me was because I was a sort of “Idiot’s Guide.” That’s mighty comforting. And as if that wasn’t enough to burst my little bubble of, “Hey, maybe he just really likes your ass,” he continued:

“Also, it was great that you didn’t have the baggage that seasoned men have. You were pretty easy to handle. No mess, no fuss.”

So is that it? The wisdom beyond my years, my being able to pay for my fuel, and my ability to hold a conversation really fall behind my age? Could it be that no matter how mature I may think I am, at the end of the day I’m just a 20-something guy who makes men feel young and educated on ‘the now?’

As disheartening as it may be, I can’t really complain. While in hetero relationships, women may find the men easy and the men may find the women experienced, in homo relationships the story is just a little different.

I date you because you make me feel like my age is just a number, and that my topics of interest are not ancient. You date me because I’m drama-free and make you feel like your hairline is not receding. That sounds pretty fair.

I scratch your back; you scratch mine - and knowing those gays that’s probably some kinky form of foreplay.