S1E1 - Can Women Have Sex Like Men?

You know, when I said I wish I had more of a 'sex face', I meant one that appeals to men, not an open invitation for men to tell me about their sex lives. Because of this, I have very much learned that women can't have sex like men.

The stories always begin the same. "I met someone and we haven't stopped boning and we agreed, no strings attached. She's cool like that" and it all ends in a similar manner as well, "She wanted more and I couldn't give it to her". Yeah, like you didn't see that coming.

Ever had that one awful looking t shirt that you wear to bed? You deal with its atrociousness by only wearing it to sleep when you're alone. You deal with the shame by not wearing it in public and hiding it when friends sleep over. You think you can live without it only to realize that it is probably one of the most comfortable shirts you can have to sleep in and that's when you start getting attached to it. I have plenty of those. Ones that my mom refuse to wash and hang it for the neighbors to see, which resulted in her having to secretly throw it out when I'm out of town. That to me, is how I perceive casual sex. Everything before the mother bit.

Here's one of the best reply I've heard when I point out said reason to the men who proposed we be fuckbuddies. Bear in mind, it was on two separate occasions. They suggested we have a quota of sex sessions and the moment we hit that quota, we end it. Excuse me sir, firstly, this is not a coupon for a buy 1 free 1 apple pie at The Waffle House. You must be a retard to think there's an expiration date on these things. Secondly, if there's a fixed number of sex sessions to define emotions, the world would have a very very happy ending. And we would love it long time.

So, just like fried chicken, despite knowing the consequences, we do it anyway because we can't help ourselves. We end up building a wall, reminding ourselves how this will never work because his left nut is oval and his right is round. Or how his sneeze sounds like a menstruating cat. We find unnecessary ugly things to make him less appealing. We pick on petty issues to constantly reinforce ourselves to keep it casual. 

Then you have the women who seem nonchalant about the whole thing. What you don't know is, these women think they are the only one because she's somewhat special. Yes, you're as only as the one purple M&M in that M&Ms bag. You're still candy and he will still eat the rest and every last bit of the bag. Why do you think Tiger Woods' mistresses were all shocked and disgusted to find out they weren't the only one? We all would like to believe that despite all that casual boning, it meant something at least. 

My point being, on the surface, these women might put on a facade, appearing to be fine with the only strings they have are ones attached to their clothes, but if you dig deep enough, those are the emotions suppressed and buried underneath all that exterior. 

If you're doing all that's mentioned above, you're having sex like a woman.

Men are able to separate sex and love so well you wonder why can't they do the same with whites and color when it comes to laundry. That being said, with the amount of time we use to analyze and build that wall, they are off watching sports on TV. The irony of it all, they too have the remote.