S1E4 - Are Men In Their Twenties The New Designer Drug?…. I Couldn't Help But Wonder, What Do They See In Us?

Excuse me, this face is no where near 35 yet. However, I do have male friends who are dating or have dated older women - and not much complaining there.

So what do they see in older women? Mental and emotional stability. Let's just put it this way, the only clingy thing in older women's' lives right now, is Saran Wrap. Older women are more independent both emotionally and mentally. They have matured from their adolescent days where popularity justifies who you are. They now focus on their careers and don't need a man to validate their self worth. However, I have come across women who never grew out of that phase. They look 40, they dress 30 and behave like they are 20. No, that's not even cougar status. That's Pedophiliac Peter Pan Syndrome. There's a fine line between dating an older woman and an older woman who's clinging on to youth.

Next, we have financial stability. The guys do not feel obligated to pay all the time. I see it as Ego vs. Mummy Issues. Ego because you're a man and you are older, therefore technically, you have been in the work force far longer hence, you are more financially apt to foot the bill. But, if you're dating an older woman, her motherly instincts will want to pamper and spoil you. And subconsciously, you love it and feel no obligation in receiving it. I once had dinner with a younger guy whom I didn't mind paying for, only to have him say "This is why I love older women". And this is why he never saw my face again. Not only has the dating order been revised, so has gender roles. Who are we to say that gold digging only constitutes to women?

Oh how can we not mention the sex. Guys tell me all the time that sex with older women is far more superior than with a high school virgin in white cotton panties. I mean, of course there are older women who don't know the difference between the right and left testicle and there are 13 year olds who bone like they're 35. But in general, men prefer older women because they, the older women, believe starfishes belong in the sea. Not to mention they tend to handle the whole emotional situation much better after that.

As much as younger men are like accessories to older women, older women are like trophies to them - an accomplishment. It's no secret that women have always preferred older men so when these younger guys get with an older woman, to his friends, he's a stud. That, or she's just plain desperate.

S1E3 - Is There A Secret Cold War Between Marrieds and Singles?

You see that lush green lawn over there? Don't you just want to defecate on it?

That's how I see things between the singles and the marrieds. The marrieds want to be single so they gloat about having that other half. The singles want that other half but boasts of great random sexual partners they are enjoying weekly. 

Just last week, 3 friends and I met up for a little get together. Two were Marrieds with kids and then there was... that other two. As the Marrieds went on and on about their husbands and kids, we sat there communicating with our eyes like a bad hookup at a bar. After 40 minutes of diaper comparisons and whose in laws are dumber than the other, I felt like I was in Germany. What the hell are these people talking about? We had to break this language barrier by reminding them of our presence. Said friend and I ended up taking a long stroll to a place where it is filled with shit we actually understood - the restroom.

So why the resentment? We could have just sat there and nodded politely as we wonder if Meredith Grey will die in the next season of Grey's Anatomy. I mean, it IS Grey's anatomy... isn't it? I digress. Could it be that we are jealous? We scoff in disgust at the subject of marriage and babies, but deep down we probably do want that stability. As for me, I envy the ones who are so certain about who they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

Now, same lawn, different coordinates.

Then, I receive comments such as "If I were you, I would have done so and so" or "If I were you, I would do such and such". It might come across as arrogant at first. Just because you're a mother now does not give you the right to mother me. I never held my mother's hair back as she puked all over my 200 dollar pair of heels. However, if you read into it, they envy us too. Another Marrieds friend of mine has a list of what she would have done if she weren't tied down. The Bitch-I'm-Better-Than-You in me picked up an envious tone right away. So, as much as they are certain and contented with the life they have, there's always that what if.

What if I didn't marry this bastard and traveled the world?
What if he wore a condom and we didn't have a child and I had taken that job?
What if I waited, would someone better have come along?


What if I married him, would I be less miserable than I am now?
What if I'm married now and didn't have to face loser after loser?

So the next time you see a helicopter tour, take it. Look at that lawn from a birds' eye view. You'll see that it is the same shade of green. The only difference is, when you're standing on either side, you cast a shadow and things might not seem as bright as you'd like it to be, literally. It might even blind certain aspects, so to speak. But trust me, try walking over to the other side of that lawn. That shadow? It ain't going no where.

S1E3 Is There a Secret Cold War Between Marrieds and Singles?

Despite my delusional ideas of a beautiful beach wedding, I’ve always known that unless I move to Canada or Vermont, chances are that no one’s going to “put a ring on it” as far as my fourth finger is concerned.

I’m not saying that I’ll remain single. Not saying that I’ll find someone either, but lets hope that’s not the case. Practically speaking, I’m going to spend the rest of my life in Malaysia, maybe with the man I’ll refer to as my “boyfriend” or “life partner.” It is safe to say that I’ll never know what it’s like to be married.

But hey, why would I need to experience first hand when I’ve got enough friends and second hand experience to virtually go through the whole thing myself?

While I may, for the most part, be part of the “younger crowd,” I’ve always leaned towards forming friendships with people who’ve got a few years on me. I’d like to think it’s because of our similar wavelengths, but truth be told I honestly have no idea why these people are friends with me. They talk about Gaudi and I think we’re having a conversation about different preparations for beef. I digress.

Most of these friends are either married or heading that way. There are the occasional few who are still shopping around and test-driving, but majority have done the old, new, borrowed, and blue.

In today’s world, we face a lot of discrimination. We face racial discrimination, gender discrimination, and some even status discrimination. It’s no surprise that floating in that cesspool is what I like to call the rock discrimination. Cos’ honey, if you ain’t sportin’ a rock on that finger, turn around and walk away.

What is it about single people that married people find so appalling? I mean, you’d think after listening to the go on about their wedding plans, their bad in-laws, his farting in bed, her nagging about everything and that really expensive wedding present that I did not get on sale at Isetan, you would think that the singles would be given some slack? You’re about to embark on the journey of a lifetime and all I get is this piece of cake.

Maybe they feel threatened about single people. Maybe they are worried that the closer someone is, the easier it is for them to pull the rug from under you and the pants from under the belly of their balding husband? Or are they just jealous? The singles get to go out, have a good time, sleep with whomever they want and never have to come home with an explanation. Sure they have that whole “contentment of marriage” and “beauty of making love to the same person” bullshit, but you have to admit that the singles have it just a little better off.

Hell, they have it so well off that they sit at their laptops on Wednesday nights, alone in their apartment, and watching friends while writing a blog entry that no one is going to read. Yeah. That’s definitely it. Keep on being green, married folk. I’m sure you’d rather be doing this.

S1E2 If Models Could Cause Otherwise Rational Individuals To Crumble in Their Presence, Exactly How Powerful Was Beauty?

That whole hullabaloo about beauty being in the eye of the beholder is complete rubbish. Are you telling me that you can find more than 70% of the world’s population that don’t find Brangelina attractive? Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder because the beholder, for the most part, is a pool of universal consensus.

In my experience being smart, funny, and sensitive just doesn’t cut it anymore. If you don’t warrant 10 or more Facebook comments on a photo together, you are not the person I want to date at this moment.

The simplest example would be at a bar. You know, because when singles on the prowl scout a bar, they are looking for inner beauty. They don’t look for the guy with the defined abs and $25 product in their hair. They look for the guy who has a PhD in Film Studies and has intriguing opinions on the signing of the Kyoto protocol, right?

Recently this shallow, but in no way uncommon, behaviour has been cushioned by what has become my favourite excuse since, “It’s not you, it’s me.” It goes something like…

“Sure, it’s important that brains accompany the beauty. But isn’t the beauty the initial attraction?”

I cannot diss that gem of a line because I’ve been guilty of using it on more than one occasion, but just when does this ‘initial attraction’ go past the initial stages?

I live smack in the middle of the city in a country filled with Caucasians. And as much as I hate to stereotype (as you may be able to tell by this bloggationship between a fabulous gay man and his even more fabulous straight woman he sports on his arm) there always has been a little label for older Caucasian men and Asian women who can barely string together sentences.

In a city that over the past five years has become so overpopulated that the average price of a two-bedroom apartment is more than half a million dollars, are there really no eligible, older women? Women who not only wore Versace back when Donatella didn’t look like Joan Rivers, but women who can actually pronounce Versace. Ask said men why they date these young, attractive, and grammatically challenged ladies and they would tell you that it’s easy. That just begs the question, “And what exactly, kind sir, are you referring to?”

While we’re on our high horses, waving our fingers to these scoundrels who only re-enforce the fact that men think with their penises, are we really in any position to judge them? Can we honestly tell ourselves that given the choice, at this point in our lives, we’d pick the guy with the IQ of 120 and not the guy whose chest measures 120 centimetres?

Chances are, you’ll say that you’d like the latter for a quickie at noon and the former for a noon shopping for groceries at Quickie Mart. You do know that such an excuse only exists in a parallel universe where the “initial attraction” excuse is valid, right?

So the next time you squint your big, brown and judgemental eyes, try putting yourself in the old Caucasian man’s shoes. It’s not that hard. After all, all his choices seem to be pretty ‘easy.’

S1E2 - If Models Could Cause Otherwise Rational Individuals To Crumble In Their Presence, Exactly How Powerful Was Beauty?

Many a time I noticed that when a tall woman walks into a room, she commands attention. Not by force. Her aura just exudes confidence. Men and women alike, would turn to look. Sometimes a double take. I guess just like buildings, the taller you are, the more you get noticed.
 
I, on the other hand, never had such privilege. Standing at 5'2, I've been called short. I believe the word is petite, assholes. My point being, tall and gorgeous women tend to get the first look advantage. Would you look at the elephant first or the cute puppy next to it? My point exactly.
 
My friends and I have a name for gorgeous women with nothing in the northern region. We call them Barbies. See, we had this recurring discussion, where men would tell us how they want an intelligent woman by their side. One whom they are not ashamed of to bring around and show off to friends and family. One who would be able to help them career wise and in deciding matters. And of course, one they would be able to carry and have engaging conversations with. But somehow, whenever a Barbie walks through the door, just like the Civil War, the North and South battles. However, in this war, the South wins.
 
Of course, I was unfortunate enough to be at the lousy end of this faux idealistic notion of such shallow men. So, I felt the need for some answers. So I asked a male friend.

Why?

His answer was simple. Barbies are fun. They look good and all they want to do is have fun and party. The smart ones over think and over analyze situations and we don't have the time to deal with all that bullshit.
 
So what about the ones with beauty AND brains? 

In a sociology case study, a job interview was set up. The applicants consist of Some Hot Thang and a Whats Her Face. Results? The interviewer had more eye contact with Some Hot Thang. 

So just how powerful is beauty? Pretty damn powerful. Ask Aphrodite. But she'll also tell you that just like her fellow comrade, Archilles, there is always a downfall.
Pretty women who excel at work are not taken seriously. You might work just as hard as that uncle frying kuey teow at the corner street but are seen to have climbed the ladder to success because people confuse you with Miranda Kerr on the streets all the time.

I've heard some pretty derogatory comments that suggest, with her pretty face, she's just going to marry some rich man and lead a happy life while we slog like slaves. Some even tell these girls they don't have to study or work too hard because they can snag a rich man with that face and just live life. It's sad that that is all the potential they see in beautiful women. Talk about stereotyping.
 
So just how powerful is beauty? Pretty damn powerful. Ask Peter Parker. But he'll also tell you:
 

"With great power comes great responsibilities".

S1E1 Can Women Have Sex Like Men?

A question that I must say I’m totally not qualified to answer, but my second-hand experience definitely counts for something.

Every gay man is a soundboard to at least one woman, and at some point during the relationship of the fag and the hag, the hag decides to give up on relationships and just “do what a man does.”

Having sex like a man is widely defined as having sex without emotions. Being a woman is widely defined as a being who has way too many emotions. How those two ever clashed in the first place puzzles me.

A friend of mine recently ventured into a “no strings attached” tryst with a traveller she met at a club. They went on dates, they shared a lot of laughs, and they had what she calls the most amazing sex she’s ever had.

So the traveller goes back to his homeland and they decide to “take things one day at a time.” Unless they are on their way to recovery with this AA mantra, women just don’t have the ability to take things one day at a time. And I can say this because I’m part woman.

My friend started going over the edge. She would flip when he didn’t reply phone calls or texts, and ramble on when her Skype date with him was a no-go. How these things aren’t considered strings is beyond me.

As a gay man, almost all the sex I have has no strings – unless the guy I’m with is into shit that involves actual string. It’s just text, fuck, and leave. It’s as simple as that. While I may be part woman, I struggle to understand the emphasis that women put on sex.

Pardon me if this in any way sounds like a woman bashing, because I promise you it’s not. Why do some women insist on experimenting with things they just should not?

Just so you know, ladies, no strings attached means no strings attached. And you wonder why men don’t understand it when you tell them that no means no.

If you’re going to expect him to respond to your non-booty calls, you don’t understand the concept of having sex like a man. Let me put in the simplest way I can think of:

Attempting to change the rules of having a commitment-free fuck fest with someone is like sleeping with a guy who can never get you to climax. The two of you are building castles in the sky and one of you is going home with your shoes full of sand. Now who likes sand in their shoes?

S1E1 - Can Women Have Sex Like Men?

You know, when I said I wish I had more of a 'sex face', I meant one that appeals to men, not an open invitation for men to tell me about their sex lives. Because of this, I have very much learned that women can't have sex like men.

The stories always begin the same. "I met someone and we haven't stopped boning and we agreed, no strings attached. She's cool like that" and it all ends in a similar manner as well, "She wanted more and I couldn't give it to her". Yeah, like you didn't see that coming.

Ever had that one awful looking t shirt that you wear to bed? You deal with its atrociousness by only wearing it to sleep when you're alone. You deal with the shame by not wearing it in public and hiding it when friends sleep over. You think you can live without it only to realize that it is probably one of the most comfortable shirts you can have to sleep in and that's when you start getting attached to it. I have plenty of those. Ones that my mom refuse to wash and hang it for the neighbors to see, which resulted in her having to secretly throw it out when I'm out of town. That to me, is how I perceive casual sex. Everything before the mother bit.

Here's one of the best reply I've heard when I point out said reason to the men who proposed we be fuckbuddies. Bear in mind, it was on two separate occasions. They suggested we have a quota of sex sessions and the moment we hit that quota, we end it. Excuse me sir, firstly, this is not a coupon for a buy 1 free 1 apple pie at The Waffle House. You must be a retard to think there's an expiration date on these things. Secondly, if there's a fixed number of sex sessions to define emotions, the world would have a very very happy ending. And we would love it long time.

So, just like fried chicken, despite knowing the consequences, we do it anyway because we can't help ourselves. We end up building a wall, reminding ourselves how this will never work because his left nut is oval and his right is round. Or how his sneeze sounds like a menstruating cat. We find unnecessary ugly things to make him less appealing. We pick on petty issues to constantly reinforce ourselves to keep it casual. 

Then you have the women who seem nonchalant about the whole thing. What you don't know is, these women think they are the only one because she's somewhat special. Yes, you're as only as the one purple M&M in that M&Ms bag. You're still candy and he will still eat the rest and every last bit of the bag. Why do you think Tiger Woods' mistresses were all shocked and disgusted to find out they weren't the only one? We all would like to believe that despite all that casual boning, it meant something at least. 

My point being, on the surface, these women might put on a facade, appearing to be fine with the only strings they have are ones attached to their clothes, but if you dig deep enough, those are the emotions suppressed and buried underneath all that exterior. 

If you're doing all that's mentioned above, you're having sex like a woman.

Men are able to separate sex and love so well you wonder why can't they do the same with whites and color when it comes to laundry. That being said, with the amount of time we use to analyze and build that wall, they are off watching sports on TV. The irony of it all, they too have the remote.