In my relationships (yes, I can speak in plural now) I've never been the dumper. Seeing as how my delightful colleague has so hilariously and insightfully covered the territory the two of us are oh-so-familiar with, let's see if I can figure how things work (or should work, rather) from the other side of the fence. The piercing, painful fence.
So what do you do after you've initiated a break-up? More importantly, what do you NOT do? The following is based on break-up rule #1 in the book of Charlotte York - you're given half the duration of your relationship to get over it. So...
Don't visit spots you know your ex frequents. If you enjoy the chai they serve at the cafe near your ex's house, find a new spot. It's close to where they live or work, and chances are they introduced you to the place. Common sense should tell you that it's in their territory, ergo they own it. Same goes with the sports bar near where you work/live - you could just pee all over it because it's a generally accepted break-up rule - it's yours.
Next up, Facebook and Twitter. As you can see in the post below, your ex is going to go on a stalking rampage. He/she will deny it. They'll say it "appeared" on their feed, or that they just "clicked it out of habit." Bullshit. They'll put on those sunnies and pretend they're Horatio from CSI, so be courteous. If you're seeing someone new, don't publish it. That's doing a favour not only for your ex, but in general. Do you really think people give a rat's ass about where you took him/her for dinner the night before and how much he/she "loves her little cuddwee bwear?" Limit your activities online and if you're an addict, practice abstinence or just post things in the most general manner. Adios verbose.
If you've been through a relationship with even a minimal amount of girth, you've probably made a mutual circle of friends. That's when you become the bigger person, if only for the reason you can boast about you taking the high road. That's always nice, isn't it? Don't put your friends on the spot by asking them to be equivocal. Make the move and spend time with those that were originally your friend. If you met them through your ex, don't call them! Who cares if you guys became fast friends who met for tacos every Friday to exchange your week's story? It goes back to territory - only talk to those you've pee'd on. That would work for you as much as it would work for your ex - you wouldn't have to worry about them being tell-tales, and your ex wouldn't be able to dig out stories about who's the latest customer at your hot beef injection clinic.
Finally, when you bump into each other ('when' because we both know it's inevitable) don't be a total douchebag. Walk on egg shells. Don't think about who was right or wrong. At the end of the day, you're the dumper aka the asshole. As psycho as your ex might be, people will most likely give you the stink eye if they had to choose. Ride your ex's wave. Go with their rhythm. Chances are, they'll read into it more than you. Tip-toe around because you know they'll somehow misread it and think that you either want them back, or that you never loved them in the first place. So make a plan. It's always good. Batman always makes plans. See how his life turned out. Minus the dead parents.
This will work. Because if you broke-up with someone, I'm assuming you had good reasons. Concrete reasons. If you didn't, just smack yourself. Maybe put on some Adele and get yourself a martini. And get me one. It ain't easy dishing out like this.
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